My paper nemesis has finally met its match. And it’s all because of a helicopter.

A helicopter?

Yes, a helicopter.

I’m sitting at the island in our kitchen Friday morning, eating breakfast and reading Andre Agassi’s new book Open (which is why I’m writing in the present tense, like Agassi’s book – my brain is stuck there) and I hear a very loud sound. I figure it’s the loudest truck I’ve ever heard on the highway below our house. But the truck never goes away. And all of a sudden it’s right outside my kitchen window!

It’s not a truck, it’s a helicopter, and it’s hovering at eye level just a few feet from my window. It’s a police helicopter, I think. Geeze, did I do something wrong? I feel like I’m in a scene from “True Lies.” I expect Arnold to come swooping down on a zip line and throw a bag over my head and haul me away.

Then I look around my house and realize that the helicopter people can see into my house (I live in a glass house, basically, but have never considered this a problem before). Horrors! I wouldn’t mind normally, but I have just spent a week pulling out every piece of paper in the house. My dining room table is covered, my entryway is covered. I am very neat with things, but when it comes to paper…let’s just say I have issues with paper. It’s the bane of my existence.

What if the helicopter people take pictures of my paper mess and put them on the Internet?! It’s the big fear of my life. Someone will see my paper!

Normally, my paper is mostly out of sight, or at least in one place. But now it is all spread out so that I can see it (and the helicopter people can see it) – in an attempt to get rid of it.

So, following Murphy’s Law, it only stands to reason that this is when a helicopter finally comes to peer around my property and maybe in my windows!

I determine right then and there that something has to be done. Paper just grows out of nowhere in my life. I don’t bring it into my house anymore, but it is always there – more and more every day…it’s like the Thing, and it oozes into every area of my life.

I call my daughter and ask her to, please, come help me with my paper!!! This is a task that has been tried by many, conquered by none.

I tell her I’ll buy her a Cold Stone. She’s in.

It seems that our relationship has become defined by ice cream, usually Cold Stone. Whenever we decide to meet at a certain parking lot to carpool, for instance, the description is always, “The one next to the Cold Stone.” When we plan an outing to get fabric for new pillows, we say, “Then we’ll get a Cold Stone.” Or, “I’ll let you buy me a Cold Stone.” Any excuse is a good excuse when it comes to Cold Stone.

But I digress.

Hillary decides to spend Friday night at the house and help me with my paper over the weekend. We stop at Costco on the way home to load up on pizzas and other sustenance, and Hillary feels that we also need ice creams, carry-out ice creams. So she orders up three monster cups of ice cream (everything at Costco is monster-size), and we head for the receipt-checking area at the exit. Hillary is holding these three monster ice creams, me the spinach. I say to the guy, “That’s why she’s so skinny.” He laughs and lets us pass. We’re armed and dangerous.

Ice creams and pizza – a beautiful combination.

The weekend is so productive, and she is so effective and helpful, that we come away with a plan. After handling the first pile of paper she says, “I see your problem, Mom. You’re afraid to put anything away, because you’re afraid that you’ll forget about it.” Bingo. (That’s an understatement. I’m not just afraid, I know for a fact that I will never think of it again.) Consequently, my paper is all over the place, no piece totally hidden.

She comes up with a brilliant plan. Put all the visual paper “reminders” on a list, one list, then put the papers away or throw them away. Duh.

Why didn’t I ever think of that?! I have paid oodles of money over the years to try to find a fix for my paper problem (including, most recently, hypnotherapy), but none have addressed the root of the problem and my basic fear: out of sight, out of mind. And the irony that if a paper is IN my sight, I can’t function.

At least the money got me to the point where I have wonderful systems in place. Hillary and I are able to zip through the piles and put things away/throw things away in no time!

She makes me promise that I will do at least three items on my list every day. Deal.

I am looking over my new list right now, and it’s like Christmas! Each line on the list is like an amazing present. Brand new, sparkly. It’s like I’ve never seen it before. And it looks so easy and uncomplicated. I can do this!

Give me a month to get the hang of my new system, and I think it will be life changing.

I finally remember to tell Steve about the bizarre helicopter episode. He looks at the Saturday paper, and there on the front page is an article about the police, in a helicopter, on Friday morning, looking for a lost police dog. My first thought is, Maybe the dog likes to eat paper…

Onward and upward!

I recently took a trip to Ireland…oh, alright, it was in May. I was going to blog about it right away, but I came back with over 4,000 pictures and got totally discombobulated. So, I’m going to try my best to put my trip into a nutshell for you, in words and in pictures.

Now that I’ve had time to think about how to present this trip to you, I have decided to make different posts over the next several days, on at least (but not limited to):

- The Itinerary

- The Driving Experience (they think they drive on the left side, the rest of us think they drive on the wrong side)

- The People (very tall)

- The Bathrooms (always an adventure)

- Storming the Castle (lunch with the Lord)

- The Weather (it didn’t rain on us once!)

My painting friends were going to be there for the whole week, painting at Curraghmore Castle, near Waterford. But my friend Katy and I decided that, rather than paint all day every day, we would rather photograph Ireland and then paint, paint, paint when we got back. So Katy joined my husband and me, and the three of us toured the island for several days on our own before meeting up with the castle crowd.

To be continued…

I just found out that I have a show opening tomorrow night! And I just got the invitations last night. Hmm…

So, it’s time for another one of those glitzy opening parties. If any of you are in the area, please stop by and say hi!

The last step I had to do to get my 2010 calendar ready to go was to add whiskers to Patches, the cat in my painting, entitled Shady Patches. I always say that my paintings aren’t done until they’re sold, and since this one wasn’t sold I could still play with it. In fact, I practically repainted it this year!

It’s amazing how much more I can see as time goes on. I thought this painting was done. Heck, I had already had it made into notecards! And then I started to see things, like angles that weren’t quite right, or a need for more sunlight, and other things, all of which I corrected.

But then, here I was designing my new calendar a couple of weeks ago and realized that Patches was missing her whiskers! OMG! She now has her whiskers.

My calendar will be going to press this week.

Mother Nature dumped more than 3 feet of lemons on us over the last 2 days, so I have to make lots and lots of lemonade. Here’s how an artist makes lemonade.

Start with a nice scene that you’d like to paint someday:

Nice scene without snow

Procrastinate until one day you see the scene with snow – lots of snow:

Maybe TOO Much Snow

Wait until the sun comes out the next morning, and voila , there’s your painting:

A Winter's Morning

Now we have to dig out -

How can I barbecue tonight???

View out my studio yesterday

Now, back to painting. I have to put some whiskers on my cat…

This is all Cynthia’s fault. She suggested using blog titles that were a little racey, so I delivered! 

Paint Naked

Offbeat Idea #1  Paint Naked

First of all, let me say that painting naked does NOT work for me.

Years ago, I took a seminar, and they were telling us ways to loosen up. They suggested we walk around naked – outside, inside, wherever. I said, “Well, heck, I want to loosen up with my art, so I should paint naked.” That became my homework (me and my big mouth – it was a joke!).

I was a little freaked out, so I cheated and wore my painting apron…

I did find someone online who likes to paint naked (as well as doing just about everything else naked). She suggests, “live life fully and PAINT NAKED when you can.” More power to her. 

But, hey, give it a try. Some people find it very liberating.

Offbeat Idea #2. Dr. Wayne Dyer once said to imagine that you are wearing a cape (I should have tried that with my homework – then the back would have been covered, too). He was talking about when you walk into a room, but it helps when you’re painting, too. You feel like Superman, very powerful. I’m serious. Try this when walking into your studio first thing in the morning – coffee cup in your hand, and Da-da-DAH playing in your ears.

Offbeat Idea #3 Visualize that you are a famous artist. 

Have you ever watched a tennis match on TV and then gone out and played your best tennis ever? Picture being Andy Roddick as you play – it’s kind of fun pretending you’re a hot guy. (I’d picture being a hot female player, but then I don’t feel as strong and powerful…)

Stay with me here. And you know how uninhibited you are when you are wearing a costume, say, Cleopatra or a vampire?

Well, try this next time you’re in your studio, only without the costume. Just visualize. Picture that you are a famous artist, totally uninhibited. You can’t be inhibited because you’re already famous! Get in a zone. Picture that you are Vincent Van Gogh (I know that he didn’t know he was famous when he painted, but you know it now). You are using his brushes and putting his strokes on your canvas. Or Picasso, or Matisse, or Georgia O’Keeffe. Maybe be one of each of your favorite artists at different times and see if your art is freer with certain ones.

There you have it – Denise’s Offbeat Ideas for loosening up with your art. You can find normal ideas here. Tell me your favorite ways to loosen up with your art.  

Here is a list of potential future blog posts. I’ll decide the order in which to post them based on my feedback. Here goes:

1. I’ve Put off Procrastinating Long Enough! Now I’m Serious!

2. The Price is Right…Not!

3. Interest-Based Learning vs. Importance-Based Learning; How it Affects Your Art.

4. It’s Art WORK, Not Art PLAY! Get it Straight.

5. Left-hand Envy

6. Nature’s Random Perfection – Trust It in Your Paintings

7. Why I Love My Favorite Artists

8. Artists Make the Funnest Friends!

9. Ugly Movies vs. Beautiful Movies: which Appeal to Your Artistic Side?

10. Make Every Room in Your House a “Painting”…then Paint it

11. Why Painting with Friends Can Help Your Art

12. Exploring the Golden Mean

13. Take Your Camera EVERYWHERE! Yes, Even the Bathroom.

14. Switch Mediums to Improve Your Art

15. Realism to Abstraction How-to

16. Glazing Makes Fabulous, Indescribable Colors

17. Photograph Your TV Screen for Great Action Shots

18. Flat Files are Where It’s At!

19. Armed and Dangerous (with Painting Knives)

20. Paint Naked

The anticipation is burning. Which one to unleash first? Place your vote now in the comment section!

When shoe polish isn’t quite doing the trick anymore, and before you chuck your trusty shoes or other leather items in the trash or give them to Goodwill, try PAINTING them! (Artists think of strange things like this.) Maybe buying shoes is easy for the rest of you, but for me it’s rare that I find a pair of shoes that I really love. When I do, I wear them into the ground. (Guys, you probably have a pair or two of ratty old shoes or sandals, or maybe a briefcase, that are past their prime, but you can’t bear to part with them. You wear them into the ground and catch grief for it. I know these things.)

Several years ago I finally found a perfect pair of sandals that I loved. They were very comfortable and didn’t “slap” when I walked. The only problem was that they were BLUE. Most of my clothes were not.

New blue shoes!

So, after years of looking for an equally lovable pair of sandals to supplement my repertoire, I finally gave up on the idea of ever finding that perfect pair in the perfect color and the perfect style and the perfect fit to replace them (see why I rarely find anything I like?). Then, it struck me! I got the harebrained idea to paint my blue shoes and make them a color that would match everything. Would you believe it worked???!!!!

New look

Here’s what I did:

I pulled out my acrylic paints and picked out some colors that I figured would make that beautiful caramel color that I’d been looking for — yellow ochre, burnt sienna, and burnt umber ought to do it. I found a brush that I thought would cover just the right swath on my shoe, then I laid down some newspapers (on my kitchen counter, of all places) and got to work.

Past their prime...

First tentative strokes:

Ta da!

My daughter says that they now look like very expensive leather. They’re still soft, and the color hasn’t chipped off. You’d never know they were painted. Try it, it’s fun! Let me know if you need some helpful advice…or encouragement.

Part 2 of the first assignment in my Blog Triage class is to think about how I want blogging to help me in my art career. Here’s what I envision, in my perfect little art world. I want people to become familiar with me and with my art. I want them to see my art as an extension of me – ever evolving and all about discovery.

As far as the act of blogging and exposing myself to the world, I think that this will hold me accountable (which I need, big time!) and take my art to higher levels. Hey, I’ve already shown the world my horrendously disorganized studio/office. That was embarrassing, but it held me accountable and made me get it organized. I need a heavy dose of this more often/all the time. I’m sure I’d be done with the portrait from hell by now if I had people keeping me accountable!

But I also would like for people to peruse my website after finding my blog, and vice versa. I hope to meet many new friends and find people who want to share my journey with art and life.

With a commitment to building a more vibrant blog, I signed up for the 4-week Blog

Triage class with Cynthia Morris and Alyson Stanfield. Today’s assignment is to

describe the people I want to visit and read my blog. (I hurried and wrote an entry yesterday just so that I could see if I still knew how to do it and what buttons to push!)

This is something I have never considered. Hmmm… And double hmmm…… Okay, if I were to write the way I want to write and not the way I think I should write, my readers would be people who want to come and check up on me and see what I’m up to artwise and in my life but also get some little tidbits of fun ideas. I have lots of those and they’re always bubbling out of me, and my blog seems like just the place to put them.

I would envision these people sitting around one day and thinking, “Hey, I wonder what’s going on with Denise and what little ideas she has come up with lately.” These people would range in age from, I’d say early 20s to early 80s (it could happen). I would hope that these young and fun people would be from all over the country, and dare I hope, all over the world. That’s a scary thought, but I would love to have contact with people in different states and different countries, as well as Colorado. I’m excited that the people in this class are from many places, including Europe!

Up until now, I have not been able to teach people how to leave comments on my blog. They just like to read it and look at the pictures, and maybe they’ll e-mail me about an entry. They’ll write volumes to me in an e-mail but won’t leave one word as a comment. I have asked them, I have suggested to them, I have implored them to leave a comment, but I think it’s a new concept for a lot of people and they’re afraid to enter cyberspace. I hope I can encourage readers to interact with me. And I hope I won’t freak out when they do!